You're earring is so big in my mouth
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize