He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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