the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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