From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
