there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
