Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
