how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
