by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
