I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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