Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
