listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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