You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
