I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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