I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
