i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize