yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
