I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
