Non-Jews are for practice
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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