I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
