it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
