we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
