My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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