Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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