Kareoke will never be a sober sport
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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