Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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