why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize