you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
