You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
