I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize