are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
