I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
