i barfeds in our rink
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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