you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
