So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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