I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
