You really coming over, don't trick.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize