I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
