new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
