I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
