You're a womanizer and a bitch.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
