can we get nightvision for the apartment?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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