By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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