I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
