He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
