The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
