Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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