Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
