Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
