I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
