I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
