This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
