My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize