I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
