She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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