you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
