meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
