you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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