i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
