I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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