why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
