This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
