My Higher Power is John Stamos
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
