a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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