I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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